Not the BIG MOVE yet, but a much needed vacation in Paris to see old friends, meet new friends, and set a few plans in motion.
As you know, I am always talking about purging and clearing clutter to get ready for tabula rasa mode. Out with the old, in with the new. In fact, last Saturday, I cut my hair really short to shed all of the energy I've been carrying around with me for the past six months. It's been a long haul, but now I feel light as a feather. And now I stand in my room looking at clothes which no longer express who I am. When I put on some of my old blouses and pants, I feel frumpy. I just don't feel like the me I am today or the me I am becoming. So today, I shall fill yet another bag and cart it to Goodwill.
I miss my scarves, jewelry and flowing tops I used to wear. I also miss skirts. I think the past decade working in cubicle hell in the investment banking / hedge fund industry (on the web services side) really took away that certain je ne sais quoi I always carried around with me back in my twenties and thirties. Well, enough is enough. It's high time I get back to the real me, the writer, the artist, and the adventurer attire I so dearly miss!
Window displays from the fall of 2007 in the 9th arrondissement.
I am having a tough time feeling grounded this evening. As I have noted in previous posts, I am spending at least five months in a beautiful apartment in Maine in the same city where I grew up. I am surrounded by the Atlantic, beaches, boats and birds. All the while, I am still purging stuff from my move from New York, and from the move from my mother's house (which we sold). We have been purging constantly, clearing away unnecessary clutter and sorting through endless family photos. While this is very time consuming, it feels so good to get things in order before I prepare to make the big move.
Right now, I am working on a TEFL certification class. I want to teach Business English (my own business) as an added income stream to my freelance writing and my life coaching. Lucky for me, I also have ESL experience. Multiple income streams is the perfect balance. These are not flash-in-the-pan ideas here. I've been working on this plan actively since 2005. Now, I'll add EFL to the list! I've also been doing lots of networking as I plan to move to Paris, but I still have lots more to do. And I am SO ready!
Here in Maine, I have a storage unit which is constantly being purged and sorted. I just found a storage unit in Paris I plan to use as soon as I am ready to relocate my belongings! Here's the one I'm thinking of using. Any other suggestions out there? (I also found a helpful list of resources.) I've accepted the fact that the next year of my life will involve storage units. While I have gotten rid of many, many items, I recently purchased some Ikea furniture, as I had to sell / donate almost all of my furniture I owned in New York. Most of it was too bulky and not easily portable. In hindsight, I should have owned Ikea furniture when I lived on the Upper West Side, but the past is the past. C'est la vie! Forward is the new direction!
As I sit here typing this blog entry, I realize there is so much to be done. But then I think about Michelle Obama who is a great planner, organizer and multi-tasker. I need to shift into this kind of thinking, take things step by step, and make sure to take time out to walk on the beach where I am now! Being in the moment is also important when designing a new life.
I think I just need to say out loud to the Universe this evening that at 46, I am reflecting on the various reasons why this move did not take place much earlier in my life. While there are many events based in choices I made in the past and changes in my family life for which I am glad I was present, I want to admit that I wish I had moved to Paris after my divorce in 1996. I wish I had remarried (in Paris!!) before I had early menopause (at 41 - 42.) That feels better. It's good to say this!
After divorce, I had eight years of crazy so-called dating experiences which, perhaps, provided important lessons to be learned. I always say everything happens for a reason, and somestimes we just need to get things out of our system and build character. I always knew it would not be a good idea to remarry right away. No. I traveled a lot and had some amazing opportunities. Living in Manhattan was both unexpected and challenging, but mostly wonderful. So I certainly do not regret the eight years I spent there leading up to my move to Paris. Even living in Maine again during this period of transition was unexpected and is bittersweet; a chance to appreciate where I grew up.
And so I engage in acceptance of who I am, and where I am at this time. And I am reminded of where I was living when my dream of life in Paris first began: right here in Maine at age 15 after a family trip to Europe in 1978. When we believe in our dreams, the magic unfolds. When the teacher is ready, the student appears.
I have not lived up to my promise of wanting to blog on a regular basis about my journey to live in Paris. Since November 1, my life has been turned upside down. Leaving Manhattan abruptly to venture back to my childhood home to help my mother sell our family abode was frankly both necessary and unsettling. It was not an easy time at all, and we managed to get through it. Our house went under contract just ONE week after our open house, and in this economy-- that's amazing!
Living transitionally in a beautiful place which holds bittersweet memories has had its challenges, but I know this was a smart move financially before The Big Move! I am rooming with my mother after 12 years of living alone and after being divorced back in '96. We do get along like two peas in a pod, but at the same time, everyone needs space. Sometimes we bicker. Fortunately, a beautiful apartment owned by dear friends opened up like a miracle at the right moment. It's times like these that make me appreciate the meaning of "letting go."
One thing I realize is that when I get very close to something deeply important to me, an old voice from the past kicks in and says, "Oh, but you can't have what you want." After more than a quarter of a decade of self-introspection, I know why that voice lurks like a shadow at pivotal times. But I've been nurturing my dream to move to Paris since I was 15 years old, and I am determined to face every necessary piece of paperwork square in the face and get exactly what I want and even more! Not only do I see myself living in Paris, but also I see myself meeting a wonderful man. I see it, I believe it, and I am embracing it. I am declaring it to the Universe!
I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction, and so I only choose to bring into my life that which will provide me with the happiness I deserve at 46.
And so, once again, I shall endeavor to blog on a regular basis-- as this outlet is also part of my path to claim Paris as my permanent home.
The road has been a bit rocky lately. Since I left New York on November 1, I've been going through city withdrawal. Although I was born in Portland, Maine, I am very much a big-city woman. I need the buzz of a million people from different ethnic and racial backgrounds ebbing and flowing across my landscape. I need to hear multiple foreign languages as I walk into a store to buy cheese to feel grounded. I've never fully understood a homogeneous lifestyle.
Right now, owning things feels like a burden. I am scrutinizing every object in front of me. It must mean something to me NOW if I pack it away in a box as I prepare to move.
And so, I invite you, once again, to join me on an action-packed journey about to unfold. I promise you that it will surely be eventful!
Just hours left until we clock a new year. Is it just me, or did 2008 seem to fly by? I guess as we get older, we always say this sort of thing at this time of year. In fact, since 2001, I've been feeling this way. I know what's behind this is my sense of urgency to be living life in Paris. It truly is time to BE there, as 2009 will be THE YEAR. 2008 has been accented with one major project: getting our family home ready to go on the market for sale. What a major undertaking this has been. Finally, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The excitement of change in building! :) The goal is to move to Paris in September! Let the excitement begin!
My transition from the Upper West Side of Manhattan back to my childhood home in South Portland, Maine, has been quite an adjustment. I am rooming with my mother for several reasons, mainly to get ready to put the house on the market to sell. I've spent the entire year, literally all of 2008, helping my mother clean out our family home after my father passed away last year. 46 years of clutter. Four dumpsters. Countless trash bags. More than 50 donations to the Goodwill. One massive donation of 80% of my furniture to Housing Works in New York (a thrift shop benefiting those living with AIDS.) Several postings on Craigslist to sell everything from bookcases to banjos to vases.
In New York, my rent was more than $2000 a month. If you have not lived in New York, I'm sure you can't begin to fathom why someone would want to dish out this kind of hard earned money every month to feed another's investment. I also recently left a job in September which was laden with micromanagement and very quickly became less than satisfying. Yes, I chose to leave a job just one week before the U.S. economy took a dramatic downturn. I did not wish to tolerate that situation any longer. I chose to embrace my dream and make it happen even in the midst of uncertainty.
Both my mother and I have the same goal: to live in Paris. So by combining my mother's life situation with mine, coupled by the fact that we have both been under a financial crunch-- moving in with my mother made good sense. I'm also working for myself now, and my career is portable. This also comes with some challenges as I am very much in the start-up phase.
Tension is in the air at times, because I have lived alone for the past 12 years since divorce. I don't have kids, as much as I would love to have at least one. (I do see myself in the future with a wonderful man and kids around me!) I love my mother, but we have different patterns of activity as she is retired and I am kicking off an entrepreneurial business. We bicker at times. We are set in our ways, and yet we get along very well.
We also have two cats in the picture. Her cat, a female, and mine, a male. They have also gone through stress getting used to each other. We've seen hissing, paws lashing out at one other and even fur flying. But now, they seem to be courting each other. Running around and playing. Napping while curled up next to each other. Recently, I caught them lounging around together on the same perch!
Originally, my mother was going to room with me in New York, but that would not have been a smart move. Can you imagine a mother, a daughter and two cats in a large one-bedroom apartment? No. Need I say more? Clearly, we need our own rooms! Even with the economic recession and rents dropping, moving from a one-bedroom apartment where I was well connected with the super into another rental situation would mean lots of fees upfront. In the apartment I had there, I paid $$$ for a pre-war sans doorman. Now is not the time to pay lots of fees when the goal is to move to Paris.
Once we move to Paris, the plan is to buy an apartment as a joint investment. Our goal keeps us motivated every day, and I am determined to keep my focus! I am appreciating the beauty of Maine right now. Every day. I am also coming full circle with my childhood years, reflecting on times that were faced with many ups and downs. And I am holding my vision of Paris close to my heart, knowing that all good things come to those who dream!
Since 16 October, I have been heavily involved in a move to Portland, Maine, which was not planned for this time frame. All in all, this is a necessary money-saving measure directly linked to my goal to move to Paris one year from now. Last weekend, the superintendent (also my friend) of my building in New York drove me, my possessions and my cat to my mother's house in Maine. Leading up to that frenzied transition, I was busy selling and donating my furniture, clothing and miscellaneous items to lighten my load.
So here I am, camping out for four months in my childhood bedroom as my mother and I prepare to put our family home on the market. Over the next year, she and I will be roommates, as we both have the same goal to buy a Paris apartment and live there. Sure, we have little arguments now and then, but overall we get along very well.
Yesterday was 1 October. In one month, I will be moving from the Upper West Side of Manhattan to Portland, Maine, to spend the next six - eight months preparing for the move to Paris. My mother and I are cleaning out our family home of 45 years to be sold. Even in this failing economy in the United States, the Greater Portland Area is still a thriving hotspot for real estate.
Last week, after leaving a contract position, I decided now is the time to leave New York. Over the next month, I will be closing a chapter in my life which I began in June of 2001. To document my love for New York, I will begin a photo essay which I hope to exhibit in coffee houses in Maine. I will also be lining up weekend sublets on the Upper West Side so I can return to my neighborhood for weekend getaways (subletting beautiful vacation rental apartments on VRBO) with lots of theater, ballet, jazz, long walks in Central Park plus lots of cafe writing in the West Village. You can take me out of New York, but you can't take the New Yorker out of me!
Living in New York is both exciting and exhausting. Now that I know the ins and outs of it so well, it will be SO great to come back for visits without having to pay astronomical rent. In the Greater Portland area, rents are MUCH more reasonable and you get so much space with gorgeous views of Casco Bay.
So now the journey begins. I have launched my own business as a Performance Consultant / Information Architect, I have my own coaching practice, and I have also joined forces with a colleague in the coaching profession to be a leading force in his business as well. Yes, I am also a Personal Coach / Life Coach.
Since I have launched this blog, I have not kept up with my journal entries on a daily or even weekly basis. So many things have been going on in my life, so many changes. But now is a great opportunity for me to document this exciting time.
I hope you will join me, as all roads continue to lead to Paris.
